Habits

We fold the toilet paper over or under.  We wipe the top of a can of soda before taking a drink...or maybe we bend and twist off the tab.  We wake up naturally or we set an alarm.  We bite our nails, tap our foot or maybe we sit cross legged on top of a stool.

Everyone has their habits.  And I think the sum of your habits define who you are.  Pay close attention to the little things that someone does time after time and you start to get a sense for their personality.  Are they organized or flighty?  Are they carefree or timid?

I have and have had a lot of habits.  Some very beloved and others that I work to change.  It has been said that it takes 21 days of performing a new habit to have it truly stick and become part of your day to day life.  Others know that some changes you try to make in life take much longer than that.  Months, years, sometimes maybe even decades.

When you have a child, you don't get much lead time to change your habits to fit your new life.  You don't have time to train for the marathon ahead of you.  One day you're one person and the next someone completely new.  You go into it as a childless person with your very specific habits and you come out unable to perform most of your personality defining patterns.  For me, it's one of the hardest parts of parenthood.  Missing my old habits and trying to create new and healthy ones.

I used to go to the gym after work.  I used to wake up on Saturday mornings, brew a pot of coffee and sit on the couch or in the backyard and read cookbooks while I made my weekly grocery shopping list.  I cleaned the house very well every week.  I went to yoga.  I walked the dogs.  I went hiking.  I cooked elaborate (and delicious) meals, wrote in my journal and had time to myself to think.  These habits defined me and more anything, I think they helped keep me centered.  They were some of my most cherished routines.

But, with 21 days or not I had to change my habits.  Now I usually don't set an alarm, we sleep until Knox wakes us.  I read cookbooks about how to cook good food faster and I make huge batches of food to freeze precooked meals.  I take Knox on walks (sorry doggies...) to the neighborhood park on weekend mornings.  I nurse him at bedtime and when he's done I put him up on my shoulder, hug him, kiss his head and say "night night.  I love you so much."  Then, I lay him in his crib and cover him up then slip quietly out of the room.  Slowly but surely, I am creating new habits that I cherish even more than the old.  I am working to redefine who I am.

That's not to say that when I have a day entirely to myself I don't go back to those old customs.  I do.  And I relish in them.  I enjoy the extended time I have to clean the house.  I read a magazine.  I write in my journal a blog post.  I take the time to get re-centered so I can get back to my marathon the next day.  It's a nice (and necessary) time out.  I don't feel guilty (ok maybe just a little but I get past it) about taking time for myself every so often.  I send Knox to daycare when I have the day off and encourage Max to go play golf then stay in my pajamas until noon.

I hope sometimes you do too.

xoxo,

Ashley

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Kids are gross

Children change you.  They change your body, your relationships and most definitely your definition of what is gross.  I know people that gag at the site of boogers/poop/pee but as a parent you are literally in the shit at all times and I think your gag reflex just totally shuts down. 

Please enjoy this list of really gross things that have happened to me recently and probably more than once.  I have no shame.  Just a good sense of humor.  

1. I let the dogs lick Knox's tray one night.  The next morning I was rushing to feed him breakfast and put his food on the tray...that I never washed.  It looked so clean I couldn't tell.  By the time I realized what I had done, he was eating and I was too terrified to piss him off by messing with his food.  So, I let him eat off of it.  

2.  We put his shoes on surfaces like the kitchen counter all the time.  His shoes walk on the same ground that our shows walk on.  Can you even imagine putting one of your own shoes on your kitchen counter??

3.  I frequently wipe/pick boogers off his face with my bare hand.  I then usually dispose of them in a tissue or the sink.  But once, I wiped a booger right on the back of his shirt.  And once...I let Clementine eat it.  

4.  There was a boy in a local eating establishment recently that was eating ice cream topped with marshmallows.  One marshmallow fell on the floor of the restaurant.  He crouched down and ate it off the floor.  With his mouth.  No, he did not pick it up and put it in his mouth.  He put his mouth on the floor.  I completely understood and didn't even consider stopping him.

5.  Knox bathes in our kitchen sink.  He sloshes a lot of water out and throws toys out as well and I dry the floor with a dish towel after his bath.  Sometimes I leave the towel on the floor for days. Some people might keep dish towels on the counter.  Ours is just on the floor.  In the beginning Max did not understand the purpose of this towel on the floor and picked it up thinking it had just fallen.  He dried some dishes with it and set it back on the counter.

xoxo,

Ashley

p.s. I'm leaving out all stories involving poop and Knox's wandering hands on the changing table.  You're welcome.

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